Want to look really, really good and pulled together? Come hang out with me, because I just happen to be the Queen of Awkwardness.
For example, this is my third experience with breastfeeding. I should be a pro, right? Oh, how I wish. My milk is like silly string: It somehow gets everywhere. This morning my husband met me at the hospital on base because #2 son had a doctor's appointment. Husband and #2 headed into the hospital while I stayed behind with #1 and #3 sons. Since Tiny was napping nicely in his carseat, I drove around for awhile, stopped by the gas station to fill up the tank, then ended up back in the hospital parking lot because Tiny had woken up and he wanted milk RIGHT NOW, lady, as in 10 MINUTES AGO. I climbed rather ungracefully to the back seat of the van and obliged him. Meanwhile, #1 son kept me just enough distracted while I was nursing Tiny so that, at the end of his mid-morning snack, I somehow ended up with a quarter of my sleeve covered in -you guessed it- milk. I spotted some splattered on one of the rear windows and on the floor. I climbed just as ungracefully back toward the front of the van where I stumbled on an armrest, fell into the driver's seat, and accidentally laid on the horn... which -I kid you not- frightened someone across the parking lot so badly that they jumped at least a foot into the air. Oh, and I had failed to pull my shirt completely into place, so half of the fabulous elastic waistband of the maternity jeans I'm STILL wearing was visible to whomever was walking by.
So, I repeat:
Want to look really, really good and pulled together? Come hang out with me, because I just happen to be the Queen of Awkwardness.
4 comments:
Don't you just love nursing in a parking lot? You don't drive a Ford, do you? I do, and the horn is so uber-sensitive that I accidentally honk all. the. time. You are not alone in your awkwardness!
Hey, it's okay. The milk thing happens. During the first three months of Maria's life, some part of me was always wet with milk. Always. Shirt, skirt, coat, and once, shoe and sock. I still do not know exactly how that happened.
This should make you feel better: the past TWO times I went grocery shopping, I nursed in the car before entering the store. It was only when I was done shopping and back at the car that I realised I had walked through the whole store with one side of my bra undone. Obviously undone. *cringe*
BWAHAHAHA! That is the best awkward nursing story I've ever heard! I too end up spraying everything in an 8 foot radius during the first 5 months or so. Poor girls got eyefuls of milk on several occasions, and I'm sure hubby has been baptised in the milk more than he'd like to admit.
When Lauren was tiny, I'd nurse her in the middle of the night - in the dark - and that didn't go so well, because I'd spray everywhere and not know where it landed. Didn't care either :) One day - long after the night feedings had ended - I noticed an obvious dried milk pattern from months before. So, I'm messy in nursing *and* housekeeping.
So funny :)
What a funny story! My worst milk everywhere story happened when I had to go to my office one day (I usually work from home) and I took my daughter with me. Since I have a private office, I was trying to work while she was nursing so I could hurry up and get out of there. It all went downhill quickly when she fell away from my breast right as a full stream of milk was coming out. My (male) boss walked in immediately after that to my fully exposed breast (cringe), baby in my lap crying, and pile of sprayed upon papers on my desk. So I am relieved to read your story (and those of other commenters here). Thank you for sharing!
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