pregnancy trivia.

Pregnancy #3. I'm young and I look it, so now that I'm starting to show, I often get asked, "Is this your first?" Upon hearing that's it's my third round on this carousel ride, I've been offered a variation of this compliment several times: "Well, then, you're basically a pro at this, aren't you?" It always makes me laugh. I want to clarify whether they mean that I'm a professional at parenting, or being pregnant, or producing sons (since this is my third son, after all.) In reality, what they mean matters little since I feel like a novice at almost each option depending on the day and my mood.

Parenting: Well, this club's a hard one to crack, and I doubt that even the blessed few that many of us would dub as "pros" would agree with the title. The art of mommying and daddying seems to be a revolving, shifting surface of obstacles; this early in the game -third baby or not- it is rare that I feel I'm standing firmly. As for my seeming collection of sons, I get the jitters contemplating a set of three in much the same way I did when I found out I was expecting my first little boy. I'm hardly one of those ultra-feminine women who has an extremely difficult time hanging with the opposite gender, but the differences are there nonetheless. I can do without fishing.... ever. I rarely feel the need to empty out boxes of my belongings, throw them around, and yell for the heck of it. And in all seriousness, I very acutely feel the weight of my role as a mother raising boys who will someday be men. Theirs will be lives much different than mine, defined by a unique set of responsibilities and expectations.

Regarding pregnancy, it's been an interesting mix of somewhat opposite emotions. I've had my share of small worries with each, but overall I've been much more relaxed with #3. I know what's going on and what I should be doing, so there's very little mystery-induced panic. Ironically, the only part thus far that gets my heart racing is the thought of labor... again. I managed to improve upon my, er, technique with Eli and for the most part, the process was calm and quick. Yet I cannot watch birthing shows on TV and even find myself wincing as I skim labor articles in parenting magazines. This development has surprised me because I always figured that after two children, birthing any more would gradually become mentally easier to digest. At some point, I thought/hoped that bringing a child into the world would be a casual experience: you know- Oh, today I think I'll organize the refrigerator and maybe clean up the hard-drive on my computer. And I've been having contractions, so at some point I'll GIVE BIRTH TOO. Silly, silly me... When you're part and parcel at the start of life, there's appropriately little chance that the ordeal could turn out breezy.