on joy.

The hubby and I have had the flu for a few days. Yesterday evening, our sick selves and the kids were at Lowe's to buy some flowers. My head was so congested I could feel every heartbeat like cartoon gongs on either side of my head. Gabriel was touching everything. And dude, it was hot.

After we got home and the kids were in bed, I was walking around the house singing a little song I made up: "I'm a cranky Lenae... a craaaaaanky Lenae...." I was pretty humored by the ditty until I passed by the living room and noticed my husband nodding that, yes, I was pretty cranky. Yikes. Instant humility.

It's the one area of my personality that he'll immediately, gently reproach me for (when I'm done tearing his head off, of course.) I've always reacted to stressful situations -no matter their degree- with the uglier aspects of my demeanor. Let's put it this way: If I lived in a castle when the enemy arrived, I'd run around screaming. Pull up the bridge? Prepare some flaming arrows? Grab armor? No, screaming is preferred. "Lenae, you need to learn to cope," my mom would say firmly, softly, when I'd have a childhood meltdown.

Coping is ideal. Coping with a smile is even better.

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name
may rejoice in you."
Psalm 5:11

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."
Psalm 90:14

When I was a kid, my mom worked with a man who practically oozed cheerfulness. He greeted everyone with a smile and shared from his store of treats and drinks with anyone who might want something. He was the kind of guy whose approach brought a grin to your face. He and my mother worked for a stock brokerage firm, so you can imagine the often unpleasant, stressful mood that occasionally hit the office (tax season, anyone?) But this man was reliably, without fail, happy. Or at least, happy-acting. And what do you know? He was a Christian.

Do you know anyone like that? One of those people who just seems to react to things in an amazingly positive way? I often mistake gratitude for joy. Yet the truth is that I can be shouting from the rooftops how grateful I am to be the wife to a good man and mother to two fabulous children, but that does not mean I am treating all that is related to my roles regarding them with joy.

A bad day is a bad day, and it is both understandable and healthy to have a good vent and blurt out -to God or whomever may be listening- that hey, this isn't easy. Spiritual maturity and growth in my relationship with Christ, however, hinge upon how I discipline myself in the small moments every day that require a better choice -coping- and a best choice -coping with smile. If I can't win the skirmishes during peacetime, how could I ever hold my own during grueling "trials of many kinds" (James 1:2); how could I "rejoice and be glad" (Matthew 5:11-12)?

Today, I meditate on joy and pray that God will help me develop it. Lord, may I learn true gratitude- that I might be so thoroughly thankful for all that I have in You, it manifests itself in everything I do and how I carry myself. Amen.