introduction.

I had 3 posts on here last week. I deleted them because they seemed to be material more suited for a journal: too personal, too detailed to throw out there for all the world to see. I've gone back and forth in my mind on whether to make my own blog. I used to blog on my myspace page, but for some reason, I've soured on airing out my thoughts and feelings there. Myspace has become more of a virtual bulletin board for me... Blogger feels quainter and cozier. Anyhoo, that's just weird Lenae for you. And besides, my big hang-up -the reason I've been dragging my feet- is that having a public blog freaks me out.

Here's a little history for you: I've had dozens of journals. I filled notebooks with my adolescent angst, celebration, infatuation, dreams. I scribbled angrily about arguments with friends and family, went on (and on) about my latest crush, and penned pages of encouragement to myself regarding college aspirations (and later, my new, blossoming faith.) Halfway through high school, I pulled out my stack of journals and flipped through them. I became completely mortified as I unleashed the most intimate of my feelings into the sky of my bedroom. I rushed out to the living room with all of them clutched in my arms, shoved them into the wood-burning stove, and burned them. Good-bye, ugliest of confessions.

The bottom line is that I am one of those. I care about what people think of me. Don't want to, but do. I burn bridges. I move; I cease communication. I have a list of people I don't speak with anymore, mostly because they've seen too much of the real Lenae and it's too painful for me to be reminded of that person when they're around. However, as a Christian, I can talk until I'm blue in the face about how crucial transparency is. I love to get up on a soapbox about it- Down with the hypocrisy!

So here it is. Down with the hypocrisy - time to pull the plank out my own eye. This is my mirror.