it's been long enough to see clearly.

Saturday night we went to the drive-in movie theater.
As we drove home in the darkness
while our kids slept in their seats,
we talked about the past five years
because later this month will mark
FIVE YEARS.
The number sounds small and big at the same time
-small, when you think of how many times you have to multiply that to arrive at our parents' mile markers
-large, when you meditate on just how far we've come

and baby, we've come a long way.

There is something magical and fabulous about spontaneously having a long conversation centered on how much God has blessed your life. We traded a few funny stories from our dating days, recalled some fun experiences from our time as newlyweds (it was just us for awhile? Really?) And then we'd start talking quickly about what we used to be like. We'd laugh and roll our eyes and then there would be a short gap of silence when it hit us individually: I'm different. We're different. And we're still struggling but hey, look back the way we came! We're not there anymore.

Since that night, I've felt enveloped in love and appreciation. It's nice to have a fresh twist of perspective for my husband, to fall in love all over again with the man he is now and have my cheeks flush with gratitude because I get to spend my life with him. Because I am privileged to be in the passenger seat while he continues to become who God created him to be.

More than that even, I've had an indescribable deepening of adoration for God. I tend to think of God as a scary authority figure, and it was humbling that night to realize that despite all the times I've messed things up, He has been faithful and merciful to me. For every trembling, tentative step I've taken forward, He has swooped me up and set me back down a thousand feet beyond that point.

Five years, short thought it may be in the grand scheme of things, is long enough to prove that our God is good.