becoming Lucy.

I went to see "Prince Caspian" (again) tonight. I'm a daydreamer, and when I realize I've wandered off into Narnia in my mind, I mentally yell at myself. I'm an adult, for crying out loud! I've got kids and bills and crazy gas prices and grown-up stuff like that. It's silly, really, to secretly wish that Narnia was a real place and shoot, wouldn't it be cool if we could just, well, go there?! ...And there I go again.

It's not just about the gorgeous, medieval dresses and breath-taking castles (although I'd take one of each, thank you). There's a beautiful simplicity to the Narnia stories, a black-and-white element that I can't seem to find here in my own "world." The good guys and bad guys are pretty easy to sort out, and if you're smart, you pick the right side and fight to the death to champion that side's cause because... Aslan wants you to. And Aslan's will is the only one worth living and fighting for.

The parallels between Narnia and here are apparent enough if you're looking for them. Somehow, though, I get lost between point A and B. I mean, Edmund and Susan didn't have to worry about cell phones and tuition fees. They pulled on their armor and aimed for the Telmarines... Easy peasy. Sitting in my movie seat, I longed to step through the screen and go charging across the field with them.

I thought to myself that there's something so Lenae about that inclination. I never long to be the extra holding a torch in the background. I want to be a lead, no matter what I'm involved in. The past few years have been a humbling road for me, yet I still haven't reached that place where I am content with the role God has given me and crave nothing beyond it. Susan was awesome in Caspian, whipping arrows around just as smoothly as Legolas did. But Susan wasn't the only Queen of Narnia.

Lucy... Lucy is the Mary-character of the Pevensie children. She had sincere faith and devotion to Aslan before she even met him, and he rewarded her by constantly speaking to her. Her main role was never a militaristic one; Lucy wielded a vial of healing liquid. When her comrades saw her charging across the field, they breathed with relief not because she came to slay their counterparts, but because they knew she brought gentleness and... life.

I don't know if my role in this life is to be a Susan or a Lucy. But I think that until I can accept being Lucy, I'm not sure the road will ever clear before me towards anything else. If the world is all gray to me, it is because I have been too lazy to study and mature and pray enough to allow God to show me the black and white. Deep down inside, I believe I actually do live in a magical place. I just can't see it yet.